


found a reason to live

by vindice



Series: life of me [5]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug, Supernatural
Genre: Comfort, Everyone Loves Crowley, Gen, Good Parent Rowena MacLeod, Implied/Referenced Past Abuse, Kid Fic, Mentioned Miraculous, Miraculous AU, Nightmares, Rena Rouge Rowena, She's Trying Her Best, Single Parent Rowena, baby Crowley, it's what Crowley deserves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:34:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24396613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vindice/pseuds/vindice
Summary: Fergus burrows his face into her neck and holds on to her nightgown with tiny hands.
Relationships: Crowley & Rowena MacLeod
Series: life of me [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1706038
Kudos: 5





	found a reason to live

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [on beyond your way](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23862076) by [vindice](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vindice/pseuds/vindice). 



> comfort hug with our favorite single mummy and munchkin.
> 
> Recommended reading: _[on beyond your way](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23862076)_.

Rowena’s eyes snap open.

She frowns and blinks hard, rolls her head to squint at the clock resting on her nightstand. It reads 3:15 a.m. in bright red numbers, and her foggy mind starts to work, trying to find what could have possibly awaken her in the middle of the night.

Rowena blinks away the grogginess and yawns. Trixx nuzzles her neck, settled in the warm space of pillow just above her shoulder. She brings a hand to rub at her eyes, and that’s when she hears it again—the baby monitor crackling with static. A small whimper comes through the speakers, barely audible, but it’s there, and it’s all she needs before bolting out of bed, startling Trixx awake. Rowena sends them a silent apology.

She books it to the nursery and opens the door as quiet and fast as possible. She doesn’t want to scare her baby, but there’s urgency crawling up her throat and Rowena needs to get to him.

She stands over his crib and Fergus immediately looks up at her, bright hazel eyes brimming with unshed tears and lower lip quivering as he tries not to make a noise, much to her despair. It’s been this way since the time she wasn’t the one to pick him up in the old house one night. It breaks her heart.

Rowena scoops him up immediately, cradles him in her arms and starts swaying, humming in comfort.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” she murmurs against his hair, her hand moving up and down his back soothingly. “It’s alright, munchkin. Mummy’s here.”

Fergus burrows his face into her neck and holds on to her nightgown with tiny hands. He sobs. Rowena can pinpoint the exact moment his tears start to fall, the salty droplets hitting her skin and disappearing into her neckline.

He’s shaking a little, which worries her. He only does that when he’s had a bad dream.

Their nightmares mostly involve _him._

Mind made up, she fetches Fergus’ bottle and his sleeping partner, and makes her way back towards her room. 

Trixx just opens an eye from their napping spot over a pillow to watch, and seems to soften when they see the baby in Rowena’s arms. She shakes her head and manages to muster a small smile at their inquiring look. She’s got it. The kwami closes their eye again, momentarily appeased. Rowena is under no illusion that they went back to sleep. They have entered their rare _silent support_ mode.

She settles on the recliner next to the night lamp that she uses for reading before going to bed, never stopping comforting her baby. His shaking has subsided to slight tremors and the occasional sniffle, and once Rowena is humming a lullaby, nested against comfy cushions with the soft velvet at her back helping to settle her own nerves, Fergus’ breathing syncs in to hers. Slowly, his little heart starts to calm, there where Rowena can feel the beat against her palm, and she lets out a sigh of relief when he unknowingly hugs his stuffed toy after she gently slips it under his arm.

She’s been through this enough times in the past that she should be used to it by now, Rowena thinks, and she’s read nightmares and night terrors alike are often heard of for kids this young, but it will never get any easier to see her baby so scared to the point he goes near mute. Usually, children scream out in fear, but Fergus… he doesn’t, unless it’s out of his hands and what wakes her through the baby monitor is indeed a night terror.

 _I’m lucky he lets himself make any noise at all after everything,_ she runs her thumb along his cheek sadly, watches his lashes flutter as he sleeps. 

But then she thinks back to Gabriel’s party. How Fergus had cooed and asked for help in his own way, smiled brightly. Her friends had smiled warmly, their affection so palpable that for a moment it seemed even the birthday boy had forgotten the celebration was for himself, so wrapped up as he was talking to her baby, making sure he was comfortable.

Very lucky, indeed, that he’s slowly coming out of his shell, her little boy. That he has such a wonderful network of loving adults around him to help him grow and guide him.

Sometimes it’s hard to remember that she’s not alone doing this. It’s scary to think about the past, and she’s never breathed a word to anyone but Trixx one quiet night, but she’s not so naive as to think her friends don’t suspect. She doesn’t miss the determined glances they share when two or more are in the same room and they think she’s not watching, or the overprotectiveness that takes over some of them when it comes to Fergus and even her.

She’s sure at least Jody knows, in passing from Alex and Patience’s correspondence in any case. Missouri would never say anything, but Rowena has no illusions of it being a complete secret anymore. 

It… surprisingly doesn’t bother her.

No matter how much she likes to think herself a great actor, even she gets tired sometimes. Her past is bound to slip through the cracks once in a while.

It is not so petrifying a thought as it used to be.

Rowena looks down at the small stuffed fox Adam gave Fergus for his first day at daycare. She huffs out a laugh. 

Life, thy name is irony.

Unconsciously, her hand comes up to touch the silver tail resting on her collarbone, out of the way so it doesn’t bother Fergus, musing over it.

She gets on her feet carefully, mindful of the treasure she holds between her arms. The unused bottle is left on her nightstand for later and Rowena settles under the covers once she’s sure Fergus is okay and his diaper is changed. 

She slips her arm under his little head, and closes her eyes for a moment. A bad memory flashes behind her lids, but she dismisses the cold eyes and cruel grin as soon as they appear.

Rowena hugs Fergus closer to her chest and kisses his temple. She thinks of family and friends. Her teammates. Trixx, nuzzling on the other side of her neck, their little paw gentle on her baby’s cheek in a protective gesture.

She’s never going to feel that helpless again.


End file.
